.​.​.​Apparently

by Jessica Law

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1.
Dead Nettles 02:46
Then I lost my mind And my breathing was ragged and my eyes were blind And I ran and I fled to the dry river bed In my search for release of some kind But those Romans of yore They brought with them a lot that they should answer for For each patch of the ground, well, the nettles abound And I braced as I sank to the floor Like the time I walked barefoot from Garsington To Horspath, in a bid to keep me sane Yet found more pain Now the woodpecker laughs on the dry river bed The nettles are dead The nettles are dead So I sat and I sat With the branches in front and the bark at my back Though the mercy was small, barely mercy at all Still it stilled the melee on my track And comfort I sought Disabused myself of the erroneous thought That each little thing has to come with a sting And to bring little more than it ought Like the time I locked myself inside and cried The night after I crossed the great divide Yet still I cried Like the time I walked along an unlit lane At midnight, at the mercy of the fates And found my gate Now the woodpecker laughs on the dry river bed The nettles are dead The nettles are dead
2.
Distant figures Eight or nine out on the ice Drawing nearer Ghostly thin and deathly white Not a glimmer In their gaunt and haunted eyes Dead men walking, or spirits What choice have we but to retreat and to hide? And wait inside and hope they'll go Yet hear their footsteps in the snow Come louder, louder, loud and close Then a braver Man than I stepped out to find Wraith-like creatures Cold of skin and dead of mind Food we offered Would not eat and would not trade Would not speak a word On their grim death march into the waste, so we made An igloo for them all to sleep And left for them three seals to eat And silently, silently fled when night came Seasons came and went We returned one day to search Objects we had left In our haste to flee the curse Why had they arrived? Would their coming spell our doom? Captured in the ice, we found That the igloo we built had provided their tomb And they had left the seals alone But they had feasted on their own With human teeth marks on human bone What line divides survival and sin? What point does life depart and death creep in? What line between a man and a beast? Starving on the land in which we feast Starving on the land in which we feast
3.
Have you ever thought Of all the times that you’ve been caught Paused in the pixelated walls Of stranger’s photos Where do you go to? When they take you home Back to each corner of the globe Oh, and you never even know And they don’t know you How does it show you? Were you OK that day? Or were you weary, worried, grey? Fragments in photo albums, promo pics and phones Contextless clones The sum of which will never make a whole If you slip and fall Or if you walk into a wall Or if the wind blows and shows all Well, they’re only strangers Nothing can change this Every strangled squeal Every embarrassing ordeal Every madly mangled meal Every disaster What does it matter? You’ll never meet again Oh, but they did meet you then Yes, and that’s all they’ve got, and that’s what will reside In their mind’s eye The sum of which will never make a whole Your best friend might say Of a celebrity you hate “Oh, you remind me of them, they Are so much like you” And they’d be right to Every uncaught drift Every wildly mis-thought gift Highlights the ever yawning rift Between how they see you And how to be you All of the different yous Carried in isolated rooms Within your father’s, mother’s, friend’s and lover’s minds Even combined Well, the sum of them will never And no matter what, they’ll never Till the day you die, you’ll never Make a whole
4.
Golden light inside is glowing Through the panes, through the rain See the people to and fro-ing Shadows framed, warm and sane Who are they, and what are they all doing? Voices blurred, words unheard Lives that I could share in if I flew in As a bird Then I swear you looked at me and beckoned For just a second Before the crash Now I'm nothing but a ghost printed on your glass You look up from what you're saying Turn around at the sound See my ghost upon the pane And myself on the ground Just a collared dove out in the garden Small and pale, soft and frail Didn't know the glass was tough and hard, and Barred its way If I stop, the world will keep on turning Of that I'm certain So let it pass Now I'm nothing but a ghost printed on your glass No, I'm nothing but a ghost printed on your glass Golden light inside is glowing Through the pain Through the rain
5.
In my land, they opened up the earth And they unleashed a curse Digging down far deeper than a man should go What did they know? And the scars were bared unto the Queen She surveyed the scene Drew her carriage curtains closed as she flew past She drew them fast Come, find me in Hell Find me in Hell Find me before I lose my fight Red by night Dead by light So they made a statue of the prince To prove that beauty still could convince But imperfection caused the sculptor so much strife He took his life Then the vizier with the iron hand Laid waste to all the land Maybe she thought it would overthrow the curse It made it worse Come, find me in Hell Find me in Hell Find me before I lose my fight Red by night Dead by light And they built the business names into the brickwork For they thought that they would always stay the same Now the boarded buildings crawl with trees and creepers For what man discarded, nature will reclaim Come, find me in Hell Find me in Hell Find me in this accursed land Come, take my hand Curses be damned And when all the people have gone home And the sun strikes crumbling stone Maybe in a certain light it might appear There’s beauty here
6.
In the year of '94 I lost my dayglo dinosaur down at the fair I looked and he wasn't There between the teacups And the muddy patch of ground around the carousel He jumped or he fell Though he'd only just that day been bought In my heart, I never shall regret him With my ownership of him cut short I'd not time to use him and forget him In the year 2000 I embarked upon a novel far beyond my age Was at a precocious Staged in high-class London In that fragile age of decadence between the wars Stopped reading page four There are many novels I've enjoyed That have slipped my mind with my enjoyment But the one that left me quite annoyed Is the one in memory's employment Time and time again I wonder when It was the last time that I held your hand It hurts more than I can Standing on the Cowley road And wishing we'd had time for it to run its course The ending was forced Though I'm gone, I'll still be by your side In your heart and spirit, I'll be with you Through your fear my voice will be your guide Through your doubt, conviction I will give you I will give you
7.
I’d like a publishing contract And I’d like a friend who will dance I’d like a bloke and a job with some hope And a record deal with an advance I’d love not to work with the public At last, I could use my degree I’d like a mate who could play fretless bass And the world’s most persuasive CV Oh, and I’d love to be Martin Carthy In the pay of the old BBC It’s the only folk music allowed Apparently I’d like an alto to sing with And the courage to learn how to drive I’d like to own a near-functioning phone And to live in a town with some life I’d like that short story accepted And some airplay for one of my songs I’d like to know where on earth I should go And above all what I’m doing wrong And I’d love to be Eliza Carthy In some Radio 2 treasury It’s the only folk music allowed Apparently And I’m thinking I wouldn’t be sinking If this had been the seventies Now there’s only one name that’s allowed Apparently Yes, I’d love to be some kind of Carthy And to live my life happy and free It’s the only folk music allowed Apparently
8.
I Do 02:38
You say That you want to be free of the pain Darkness is better that what you’re going through You pray Oh, ye of so little faith Aren’t you aware of what one man, love and loss can prove? Outshine me, brother mine Well, now’s my time to shine You know that you don’t know what’s good for you I do Ten days And you’ll see that it was not in vain Nine if I buy me some time with more cocaine Just wait What right have you, John, to complain? I am your saviour - despite yourself you will be saved You know not what you say You can’t be thinking straight Above all, you don’t know what’s good for you I do I do I know that you’ll look back on this and be glad that I missed your cue With the wind in your hair and the blood in your veins, coursing through With one mind and one face and one love that is shared between two It’s a love that must live even if it’s the last thing I do I do I do I do I do You plead with me again I plead with you the same Don’t leave me all alone, I beg of you…
9.
Sirens II 03:28
When the moon is gibbous And the light is limpid everywhere… Damn, looks like we’ve brought another one down The splintered wood is drifting on the tide But if we could, the warning in our words would resound Our intention is not to destroy and to drown But if we don’t sing, we die I don’t know why they come, I don’t know why I don’t know why they jump and crash and dive We tried to flee, where they could never run us to ground Where there is nought but rock and sea and sky But we stand out when there’s no other music around When we’re not masked by bustle and beautiful crowds I don’t know why they come, I don’t know why He told them: When the moon is gibbous And the light is limpid everywhere Then I must be lashed to the mast And chained into the Silver Chair For between the dusk and dawn My actions will not be my own It’s only right that you be warned It is not me, I am not there I may beg and I may plead And tell you that I must be freed But oh, my words you must not heed Though sweetly they may grace the air I may tell you that I’m strong It doesn’t have to be for long One moment loose, and I’ll be gone You must not break, you must not dare Don’t you know Know that I can never Never run, and never leave behind My poisoned mind So here we are, concealed in plain sight Hiding in crowds Consumed by guilt And riding it in waves And craving quiet But sirens cannot silence their cry For if we don’t sing, we die I don’t know why they come…
10.
And Sew 02:39
Any time I’m feeling Well, helpless and alone I know that there’s something I can turn to Over which I have control I can make you look amazing All I have to do is go To my room full of air And sew For a stoop that’s reduced by the sharpest of suits Or a colouring balanced by pastels and talent A figure redeemed by the placement of seams And the adding of padding in some vital areas But I won’t judge and I would not begrudge The most garish of gowns if your features it drowns But your soul it completes as you stroll down the streets With a man with a tan and a flower in his buttonhole Oh, yes anything goes As I sit in my room and sew For when I’m creating I’m not cogitating Or rather, my mind is elsewhere ruminating On how to sew one hundred roses upon a gown In such a way that it doesn’t come falling down A bustle that rustles and sways so becomingly Somehow allays all the fear overcoming me Pure concentration can cure this fixation With degradation (if only temporarily) Oh, it’s more than just clothes As I sit in my room and sew So I sit in my room and sew
11.
I'll Be Fine 02:44
Want to get away with murder? Just be adorable (adorable) Wash away your sins with one bat of your eyes But the thing that’s unendurable About being so adorable is No-one believes you know your mind Lover mine, you’re so kind To impart such sage advice But don’t worry, darling I’ll be fine Want to get a man to love you? Just be deplorable (deplorable) In a moment he’ll be eating from your hand But the trouble with him needing you Is he’s gonna think you need him too, and That you’ll be lost in foreign lands You can pine, you can sigh You can wish me by your side But don’t worry darling I’ll be fine No, don’t worry darling I’ll be fine We live in crazy times People in the lives they bought Losing their heart, falling apart Getting trapped in trains of thought They got there first, they got it worst Someone has to hold the fort I’m the one who’s always fine That at least will always be mine… [Descent into madness] But don’t worry, darling – I’ll be fine!
12.
RESURRECTIONIST Come on, my poppet: meet these nice men They'll get you walking and talking again Such golden ringlets, such tender skin Such a shame, such a waste - shall we begin? DR FRANKENSTEIN Ma'am, you came to the right place, Let's make haste, I'll use electricity To send her nerves and muscles quaking Thus making her whole DR JEKYLL Sir, if I am not mistaken You've taken her body to awaken I intend to set in motion With potion, her soul FRANKENSTEIN & JEKYLL Watch the glass glisten, see the sparks fly! Sweet galvanism, elixir of life! Wire in her neurons, fire in her blood! Only the fools use their powers for good! DR JEKYLL Will she walk the same and talk the same? Will she be how she used to be? And will they ever even notice that she went away? DR FRANKENSTEIN She will walk and she will talk And that's all they ever needed of a monarch If they're looking for perfection Election's the way! PRINCESS BEATRICE Who are these people? What's all this pain? Wire in my neurones and fire in my veins Something's removing death’s icy claw Am I becoming a thing I abhor? FRANKENSTEIN & JEKYLL Will she walk the same and talk the same? (Watch the glass glisten!) Will she be how she used to be? (See the sparks fly!) And will they ever even notice that she went away? (Sweet galvanism, elixir of life!) She will walk and she will talk (Wire in her neurons!) But she'll be so much better than before (Fire in her blood!) The world of science will award us the highest acclaim (Only the fools use their power for good!) IT'S ALIVE!!!!
13.
At about 10:45 this morning Everything felt almost real Like in the days when my thoughts matched my face Like in the days when I could feel I wish I didn’t have to be so jaded It isn’t fun, it isn’t fair But while there’s people, and actions, and words I know it always has to be there Now I’m nothing but a broken spirit And a canvas soul Sorry, didn’t I say? My love, there’s always a price to pay For staying young when you’re growing old At about 8:45 this evening Something landed on the green So cut and run beneath a Wicker Man sun Do you know the sort I mean? Time to face the final new sensation The only thing I’ve never seen Escape the gloom of your Miss Havisham room Hang up your hang-ups now and join me ‘Cause you’re nothing but a kindred spirit In a crumbling world Sorry, didn’t I say? My love, there’s always a price to pay For stepping out with a pretty girl And after what we found on Horsell Common Life will never be the same So take my hand on Vermilion Sands ‘Cause there’s nothing left to gain The world might not be ours for much longer It wasn’t ours before we came So run your hands through vermilion sands Nobody left to hate or to blame Now I’m nothing but a tortured spirit And an ancient mind Sorry, didn’t I say? My love, there’s always a price to pay For sticking round till the end of time For sticking round till the end of time.
14.
Another one, another one Got to find another one I must find it Find the perfect sound Another one, another one Got to find another one I must bind it Place it on the ground The sound, the sound, the sound beneath my feet Rises up to fill the air The wall of sound, it gathers all around 'Til you cannot see me there If I find it, they will be blinded I will become the Horror of them all I shall never dare to endeavour Anything better 'til the day I fall Another one, another one Got to find another one I must find it Find the perfect sound Another one, another one Got to find another one I must bind it Place it on the ground The sound, the sound, the sound beneath my feet Rises up to fill the air The wall of sound, it gathers all around 'Til you cannot see me there Another one, another one Got to find another one I must find it Find the perfect sound...

credits

released April 12, 2018

All songs written by Jessica Law
Arrangements by Jessica Law and Nick Siepmann
Jessica Law: vocals, mandolin, resonator mandolele, piano, penny whistle, glockenspiel
Nick Siepmann: production, recording & mixing, guitar, bass, keys, additional cello, percussion, effects, backing vocals (track 6)

String quartet: Alice Ruffle (first violin), Eleanor Winpenny (second violin), Sophie Channon (viola), Daniel Rothchild (cello)

Tim Ledsam: Guest vocals (track 12), backing vocals & fiddle (track 7)
Ben Below: Guest vocals (track 12), trumpet (track 8)
Josh Middleton: Accordion (tracks 7 & 11)
Emma Slattery: Backing vocals (track 6)
Phoebe Lothian: Backing vocals (track 7)

Voiceovers (track 11): Phoebe Lothian, Grace Lothian, Dom Martin, Cato Prowse, Nick Siepmann

Artwork by Jacqueline Law

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Jessica Law

"Packed with emotion, surprise and wit." - The Daily Album
“Someone… who’d probably get laughed off the X-Factor for not being exactly the same as everyone else.” – Nightshift Magazine
"A collection of intriguing folk songs, packed with expressive lyrics, strange rhythms and creative instrumentation." - Ocelot Magazine
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