Why, Jeeves, we are so jolly
Am
I would hug you here right now
Dm
But I fear it would be folly
C E
It’ll have to be a formal bow

[Jeeves, spoken]
I think that would be more appropriate sir.

[Both]
*bow and sigh*

VERSE THE FIRST

[Bertie]
Am Dm
We would hug if we weren’t so British
E Am
We’d embrace if it wouldn’t make us skittish
G Em Am
Since we know what we mean to one another
C E
You’re more than just a friend, you’re like a relative…

[Jeeves, spoken]
A brother?
Am Dm
I suggest we should just smile and nod politely
E Am
Any other way would be gosh darned unsightly

[Bertie & Jeeves]
G E Am
So we’d hug if we weren’t so British

VERSE THE SECOND

[Fascists & Communists]
We’d punch you in the face if we weren’t so British
Your ideology is just plain piggish

[Communists]
Our socialist regime will come to rule you all
When your capitalist imperialist government starts to faaaall

[Fascists]
Fall?!
Just you wait til we start our new regime
(But first we must complete this education scheme)

Suggest communists and fascists nod at each other and join arms

[Fascists & Communists]
So let’s first pass our finals together

VERSE THE THIRD

[Agatha & Dahlia, Gussie & Amaryllis]
We’d kiss if we weren’t so British
If such affection wouldn’t hurt our image

[Agatha & Dahlia]
Oh we know just how we love each other
Not only as your colleague but your lover

[Someone, anyone]
Woof!

[Gussie & Amaryllis]
We go together like a tadpole and its tail
One day we’ll be ambassadors to British snails!

[Agatha, Dahlia, Amaryllis, Gussie]
So we’d kiss if we weren’t so British

VERSE THE FOURTH
[All]
We’d hug if we weren’t so British!
And as the day at last draws to its finish
We’ll say “what ho!”, we’ll shake hands and we’ll tip our hats
As when all’s said and done we are just jolly chaps

[Dahlia]
Or chapettes!

[All]
All our lives we live in cold formality
To keep ourselves in comfortable normality
So we’d hug if we weren’t so British!

[Bertie (sad face), spoken]
But we are, so we shan’t.

[Jeeves, spoken]
Very good, sir.